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First, let’s thank the wonderful viewers right here tonight. We love you since you selected us over different stuff – just like the crap at present on late-night TV. Can’t say I blame em. Have you seen what’s on “Colbert”?

Wow, a bunch of needles and one annoying prick. That clip is from June – nevertheless it’s like discovering 20 bucks underneath a seat cushion. It could also be previous, nevertheless it’s new to us.

Who knew one of many uncomfortable side effects of the jab was fast most cancers of the humorous bone? That was so unhealthy it gave Courtney Love a worry of needles. The viewers in all probability wished these needles had been crammed with cyanide. 

It’s not an argument towards vaccines. It’s an argument for deadly injection. I worry you are gunna must drink an entire bottle of tequila to get better from this, or as Kat calls it, “a juice cleanse”

Speaking of vomiting, that is not the one factor making us sick tonight. The New York Times revealed redesigns of the American flag. Because, you understand – the present one reeks of white privilege.

Look at this one. What the hell is that this? I do not know whether or not to salute it or calibrate the colour on my new flat display screen.

If a baby confirmed you that, you’d kick the brat out of arts & crafts. If it had been Pete’s youngster, he’d go away it by the roadside on a household trip. He’s bought loads of spares. What does he care!

Now, have a look at this. It’s referred to as “Lift Every Voice and Sing.” I name it “open every mouth and puke.”

Do these folks perceive what a flag is? It’s alleged to encourage patriotism, not an aneurism.

And there’s this one. It’s giving me a migraine simply it. Now my eyes understand how my ears really feel when AOC speaks.

Seriously, in the event you’re gunna give me a hangover, at the least let me earn it by consuming. That’s not a flag, it’s the wallpaper in a five-dollar-a-night motel in New Jersey. It’s a sample for a clown’s pajamas.

Speaking of clowns and pajamas – How’s Joe doing?

According to an ABC News ballot, public approval of how he is dealing with key points is eroding quicker than Hunter’s septum.

By the way in which, when this ballot says “key issues” they’re speaking about how lengthy it takes Joe to search out his keys each morning. But on the subject of polling, he is extra underwater than a Ted Kennedy date.

The numbers are like Joe’s enamel in a glass subsequent to his mattress – floating on the backside. And he makes it worse, by making crap up that is positively hysterical. Colbert ought to rent him as a author.

Mark Levin exposes Democrats' reckless schemes, lies amid spending bill pushVideo

Did you hear that the $3.5 trillion spending invoice truly prices us nothing? Yeah, inform us Joe.

Joe Biden, September 24: Every time I hear that is going to price a, b, c, or d—the reality is, based mostly on the dedication that I made, it’s going to price nothing.

Sure you might be gramps. And I’m going to start out for the Celtics subsequent 12 months. And here is Jen.

Jen Psaki, September 28: Some have expressed publicly, that they don’t seem to be comfy with 3.5 though zero prices zero {dollars}.

Yes, some have disagreed publicly… And why? Because we aren’t silly and we aren’t suckers. I imply what a complete road con.

See, it’s very free as a result of we’re gunna make the cash afterwards by taxing the hell out of you. But by the point we steal that cash, we’ll have one other trillion-dollar invoice, which once more, we’ll pay for later, by taxing the hell out of you. It by no means ends.

Its lather, rinse, and repeat – or in Joe’s case – lather, rinse, and fall between the sink and bathroom.

New York Times makes ‘divisive’ attempt to redesign America’s flagVideo

It’s not a finances – it is a pyramid scheme. One step from promoting family cleansing provides out of your trunk. So we elected Biden and as an alternative bought Bernie Madoff.

And apparently, the spending invoice consists of free neighborhood faculty for unlawful immigrants. Which, given the state of our training system –  ought to be thought-about merciless and inhuman punishment. By the time they graduate they gained’t be certified for something, however they’re going to have discovered fifty new pronouns for a bearded girl.

What does Joe must say for himself?

Tom Shillue as Joe Biden: Everybody is asking me, ‘Joe what’s this gonna price me? What am I gonna owe?’ I’m telling ya, persist with Uncle Joe and you’ll owe nothing.

Wait a minute. Did he simply say what I believe he stated?

Tom Shillue as Joe Biden: I’m telling ya, persist with Uncle Joe and you’ll personal nothing … you’ll personal nothing … you’ll personal nothing.

'The Five' slam Biden claiming massive spending plan 'costs zero dollars'Video

Yea that is what I assumed he stated! 

Luckily for this White House – they’ll belief the media to again up the BS. This is an precise headline. From the Washington Post: “Stop focusing on the negative. Biden and Harris have gotten things done!” 

Yeah cease specializing in the unhealthy stuff – that’s like telling a demise row inmate that his final meal is gluten-free. But hey, possibly we must always take into account all the nice issues the White House has performed.

 Let’s go via that checklist.

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

6.

7.

8.

9.

10. Successfully made pee-pee within the toi-toi

By the way in which – doing nothing isn’t a nasty factor. Look how far it’s gotten Kat.

But the factor is – we’re in a destruction loop. Government creates an issue, then calls for cash to pay for it. It’s just like the man that breaks 50 storefront home windows after which opens a glass firm the subsequent day. That’s our authorities.

Which is why I choose a authorities that sits on its fingers. Because then its fingers aren’t going via your pockets. Or grabbing your ass.

This article is tailored from Greg Gutfeld’s opening monologue on the September 29, 2021 version of “Gutfeld!”